— Where are you going, Inna?
— her husband asked, surprised, as he watched his wife pack her things into a suitcase.
She was doing it so carefully, as though preparing the items for an exhibition rather than for travel.
Her meticulousness was nothing new to Inna.
She had always been an excellent wife: Leonid always went to work looking neat and clean, smelling of the expensive cologne his wife lovingly picked out for him each year for February 23rd.
Always the same one.
The couple had been living together for over twenty years.
Cleanliness and order weren’t just in the cupboards: everything regarding daily life and their relationship was neatly organized.
Once a year, they went to the same seaside resort, twice a month they visited his mother and her mother-in-law, every morning they had coffee with one spoon of sugar and a sandwich with cheese.
The cheese and sausage were always perfectly sliced: Leonid even thought his wife must have a secret ruler to measure the size and thickness of each slice.
Every evening after work, Inna watched the same detective series, then prepared dinner for the next day, and went to bed exactly at 10:00 p.m.
It goes without saying that the menu was carefully planned and had never been changed in twenty years.
On Tuesdays, dinner was chicken, and Wednesdays were fish days.
At first, Leonid objected a bit, but then he got used to it.
But over time, he started wanting something different.
— Why are you silent?
Inna!
— Huh? — Inna flinched and turned around.
— I’m asking where you’re going?
— Where? On vacation.
— Inna looked at her husband as if he were a child.
— Have you forgotten that we have tickets for tomorrow?
— But I thought you weren’t going!
You said yourself that they won’t let you take time off from work…
— Well, I worked it out with the boss. — Inna shrugged.
— Can I really change our traditions?
We’ve been going to our “Vasilki” for so many years, and suddenly I’m supposed to stay home because of some “rookie”?
It’s not my fault that she planned her vacation for the same dates!
— No… — her husband mumbled.
— But you’re the accountant.
We need you.
— Exactly.
I’m the chief accountant, and she’s just an assistant.
Besides, I submitted my vacation request a year ago, it’s signed, and it’s been sitting in my drawer all year in the “Vacation” folder.
Along with a bunch of similar requests from previous years.
Everyone in my department knows I always take vacation on the same dates!
And this little chick is just new and inexperienced.
She didn’t even have her request signed; she only submitted it to the director a month ago.
It’s clear that whoever got their request in first gets the vacation.
— Inna ranted, packing her things.
The issue with her vacation had been dragging on for a month…
— So you got the time off?
— Leonid asked glumly.
— Yes.
— And you’re going with me?
— Leonid, it’s not that I’m going with you, it’s that we’re going TOGETHER.
As usual.
Don’t worry, I won’t leave you.
What’s the matter, my dear?
Have you gotten sick from stress? — Inna looked at her husband’s face, concerned.
— Yes, I guess I’ve been a bit nervous.
But now it’s fine, since you’re going too.
Pack my bag, then… — he said and left the bedroom.
“Damn it!” — Leonid’s thoughts were racing like an airplane carrying a vacationer to their destination.
But the husband had very different plans, as he was certain that his wife wouldn’t be going to the resort this time.
For a whole month, Inna had been upset because the director stubbornly insisted that she change her vacation dates.
Since the tickets were non-refundable, Leonid convinced her that she had to go.
He, alone.
— I can’t let the tickets go to waste.
I’ll go.
I’ll manage alone somehow.
I’ll miss her, of course, but what can I do, — he said, heading to work, barely hiding his joy.
And then, a surprise…
His wife with a suitcase.
“What should I do now?
How can I get out of this?”
He stepped onto the balcony and quickly dialed a number.
Inna couldn’t hear what he was saying, but his behavior seemed suspicious and strange, so she decided to follow him.
— Do you want coffee or tea?
— For the first time in twenty years of marriage, Leonid decided to set the table for breakfast.
And on the day of their departure.
Inna found this suspicious.
— Coffee, of course, what else?!
One spoon of sugar… — Inna grew even more suspicious.
— Let me pour it myself.
You go put some shoe polish on your shoes to make them shine.
— It’s better if you do it yourself…
I might polish them wrong, and then you’ll say the light sandals turned black because of me, — Leonid replied, grabbing the teapot and cup from her hands.
— Okay…
Fine…
Inna left the kitchen, but she didn’t stop watching her husband.
She thought he had added something to her cup that wasn’t sugar.
— I forgot to buy water and napkins for the trip.
I’ll run to the store quickly.
Drink your coffee while it’s hot! — Leonid handed her the cup and stared, waiting for her to take a sip.
— Go ahead, — Inna said.
But Leonid was still waiting, watching to make sure she would drink it.
— Mmm…
How delicious, you’ve learned to make coffee?
After twenty years? — Inna praised, touching her lips to the cup.
Her husband didn’t respond.
He lost interest immediately and left the house, heading toward the trash can under the balcony to dispose of the “evidence.”
He wasn’t going to any store; he just needed an excuse to leave.
— Hello?
Yes, I did it like you said.
I added the powder to her coffee.
Now I’m just waiting for it to take effect so I can leave.
What?
I shouldn’t put it in the coffee?! — Leonid paled, as if he had just drunk the poison himself.
— How was I supposed to know?!
I’m not a chemist or a doctor!
Okay, she’s as healthy as an ox.
She’s never been sick in all these years!
It’ll pass quickly, in the literal sense, and that’s it.
She’ll just spend some extra time on the toilet.
The main thing is that she misses the flight, and I get to go on vacation alone, — Leonid reassured himself, thinking that his sister had overreacted, and after hanging up, he waited a bit before returning home.
But the door barely opened: Inna was lying on the floor of the hallway, and from her appearance, she seemed barely alive.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, at that moment, their neighbor Zina was passing by the apartment.
She became a witness to the tragic scene.
— My God!
What a tragedy!
So young! — the woman lamented.
— She’s alive.
Probably, — Leonid muttered uncertainly.
— We need to call an ambulance immediately!
“Maybe it’s not necessary? Maybe it’ll pass on its own?” Leonid squeezed out, worried about himself.
But the neighbor didn’t listen to Leonid.
She quickly dialed the emergency services and called an ambulance.
Meanwhile, Leonid was desperately trying to cover his tracks.
He poured out the coffee his wife hadn’t finished, wiped his fingerprints, and, taking the suitcase, quietly fled…
A day later, as he lay contentedly in his room at the resort, staring at the ceiling while listening to the gentle snoring of Zhanna—his new woman, for whom all this had been planned—there was a phone call.
Leonid didn’t even understand how he answered the call out of sheer inertia.
“Leony! Leonychka! Where are you? Trouble! Inna is dead! They couldn’t save her!” the voice wailed over the phone.
From the voice, Leonid recognized the neighbor, Zina.
“We need to organize the funeral! Where have you been?” the woman listed a bunch of important things the grieving husband needed to take care of.
“And how did she die?” Leonid asked cautiously.
“Her heart couldn’t take it. She was getting on in years, not 18 anymore,” the neighbor sniffled.
“So, just an unfortunate accident?”
“Well, yeah… What else could it be?” the neighbor stopped crying.
“Of course! I was just at the store. And I’m definitely not guilty…”
“And now, where are you?”
“I… I’m at my sister’s,” Leonid lied.
In reality, he had run away from home and flown on vacation; everything was going according to his plan.
Well, almost everything…
“Why did you run from home? In a state of shock?”
“Yes. Exactly. Listen, Zina, is there any way to postpone the funeral?”
“Postpone it?” Zina asked, confused.
“Can we do it in a week? Or better yet, in two… I have a vacation, the resort is paid for… Inna won’t be helped now anyway, and I need to recover my nerves.
Otherwise, I’ll die from grief next to her…”
Zina was silent in disbelief.
“What resort, Leon? Your wife has died! What, you’re planning to relax now?”
“Alright, nobody else will handle these things. I’ll come as soon as I can. It can wait,” Leonid waved it off.
At first, he was really scared, but when he realized his safety wasn’t at risk, he relaxed.
“Who called, Leonychka?” Zhanna opened her eyes and propped herself up.
“Ah, nothing, just some nonsense. Go back to sleep. Or, better yet, let’s do something else,” he nervously laughed.
And, in fact, everything worked out even better.
He had endured his wife for twenty years, and now—what a gift—no wife!
Ha-ha! No wife at all.
It didn’t matter that he had sent her to the afterlife; it was all a ridiculous accident, and no one could prove anything.
He smiled, satisfied with his cleverness.
So, he was about to have almost a honeymoon with Zhanna, and then he’d move her into his wife’s apartment.
He was the first heir to her property!
Of course, he wouldn’t marry Zhanna, but cohabitation with all its consequences—that was what the doctor ordered.
By morning, a satisfied Leonid snored.
And when he opened his eyes and decided to admire the beautiful Zhanna, he turned around and screamed.
“My God! Not me!”
The man rushed to the balcony, forgetting that the room was on the second floor.
And there was something to be scared about: instead of Zhanna, Inna was lying next to him.
Pale, disheveled… like a scene from a horror movie, a resurrected corpse.
Leonid wasn’t stopped by the fact that the fall would be high; he was still in shock from what he had seen and jumped down.
The malicious laughter of Inna was the last thing he remembered.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, the second floor was too low to say goodbye to this world.
Leonid ended up with a broken spine and, as a result, lifelong disability.
When he came to, he saw a doctor.
But he thought Inna was standing next to him—the deceased, who apparently was following him around, scaring him.
“Go away! Get out! I didn’t want to kill you! I didn’t think coffee and that powder were incompatible!” he whispered deliriously, trying to wave his hands, but his limbs weren’t working, and instead of screams, there was something resembling a moan.
However, Inna and the doctor standing next to the patient were able to make out Leonid’s words.
“So, the husband did want to poison you. Will you be filing a report against him?” the doctor asked.
“No,” Inna turned around and left the room.
Of course, she hadn’t died.
Inna just didn’t drink the coffee when she noticed her husband had put something in it.
But the show had to go on.
She overheard the conversation near the “trash” and realized she had to “die,” so she asked the neighbor to play along while the grieving husband wandered around the house.
After that, he did everything for her.
He left, cheated, and practically confessed to the crime.
She found the box of powder by the trash bin.
She had the evidence in her hands but wanted to understand the reason for her husband’s behavior.
She immediately guessed he had gone to the resort, but she called just in case.
The administrator confirmed that Leonid had already checked in and was enjoying his stay, not leaving his room.
Inna found out about Zhanna at the resort.
She went there to personally see her “faithful husband” and scare him a little.
As it turned out later, Zhanna and Leonid had met on social media.
He had messaged her about a month ago, suggesting they vacation together.
The husband was thrilled to go on vacation without his wife and planned his leisure time.
Nothing indicated any trouble, but just before the departure, Inna suddenly packed a suitcase and announced she was going on that fateful vacation.
That’s when Leonid decided to “relax” his wife, making sure she stayed at home with a minor stomach upset and, in a very literal sense, “missed” the vacation, giving her husband the freedom.
Leonid would have needed just a week to rest from his routine life.
He wanted change, new emotions…
And he got them in full measure.
When Zhanna went for a morning jog, deciding not to wake Leonid, she collided with a terrifying woman at the door of the room.
Zhanna didn’t immediately realize it was makeup.
“Wait. I’m Leonid’s wife.
You might not believe me, but while he was having fun with you, they were ‘burying’ me,” Inna quickly explained the details of the story to Zhanna, whose eyes widened in disbelief.
Zhanna, of course, left the room and never returned.
And Inna carefully took her place under her husband’s arm and, waiting for him to wake up, planned to surprise him.
Well, after that… Everything went off course.
When Leonid woke up and saw Inna instead of Zhanna, and with makeup, he jumped into the free wind, thinking his deceased wife had come to take revenge.
The makeup was so well done that Inna spent an hour removing it while Leonid was “scraped off.”
“And now? Divorce?” Zina asked, shaking her head.
“Of course! Do you really think I’ll take care of him? After all this? No… Let his sister take care of her ‘obedient’ brother.
She’s the one who suggested he put the stuff in my coffee,” Inna said dryly, carefully packing the rest of her things into suitcases.
She decided to sell the apartment.
She didn’t need her husband’s permission because it was premarital property.
“And where are you going now?”
“I’m going North. To my daughter. I’ll see the country… While I’m still alive.”
Zina didn’t reply, just shook her head.
The women never met again.
And Leonid remained bedridden.
He didn’t believe in his wife’s “resurrection,” and he kept seeing Inna everywhere.
So, he spent the rest of his life in a special institution, surrounded by Napoleons and aliens, under the care of an experienced doctor.
